The Five Snout Daily: Amazing Race

By Charlie

Wednesday, May 31 was cold and rainy in UB. Rachel and I went to the gym in the late morning and then enjoyed lunch at our favorite ex-pat watering hole.

As the lattes arrived, we saw a horde of alpha-humans charging through the courtyard of the monastery/museum across the street. Each team of two was followed by a cameraman and sound guy. The teams ran up to a temple, grabbed an envelope, tore it open, ran to a waiting jeep, loaded up and drove away.

People in the restaurant watched, not having any idea what was happening. “They are making a movie,” said the wonderful Ethiopian proprietor. We watched this happen at least ten times before I walked outside and tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

I walked up to a grizzled Australian who appeared to be in charge. “What are we watching here?” I asked. “It’s a TV show.”

“Which TV show?” I asked.

“It’s in development. It doesn’t have a name.”

Whatever. I went back in the restaurant and we kept watching the drama unfold.

Half an hour after it all began, Rachel and I finished our food, paid the bill and walked out of the restaurant. About 10 of 20 jeeps were still parked in front of the restaurant. Americans in travel gear with their camera crews in toe were running all over the place. Mongolians stood by the side of the road, trying to make sense of the spectacle.

Two young African-American women frantically interrogated the Mongolian bystanders. “Do you speak English? Do you speak English?” The Mongolians looked on, totally nonplused.

Then they saw us. “Do you speak English?” “Yes,” I said.

“We need to get to Terelj. Where is it?”

I pointed east and started giving directions. “Come out of here and turn right. Then turn left at the intersection and right at the light. Follow the road for a while until you get to a circle…” They looked confused.

“Can you show us?”

Well, shit. Of course!

So we all piled in the Russian jeep and hit the road. I offered to drive, since I have a Mongolian driver’s license. But Lynn said that she had to drive. The camera guy rode shotgun. Karlyn road in the back seat, on the left. I was in the middle. The sound guy was to my right.

And off we went.

At that moment, I figured that these two women from Alabama were contestants on some two-bit reality show being filmed for Discovery Travel or some other lame cable channel. I asked Lynn and Karlyn and they didn’t seem to know. In fact, they probably knew very well that they are contestants on the Amazing Race. But the rules of the game forbid them – or the crews – from mentioning the name of the show while it is being filmed. I learned this later from a friend who is familiar with how the Amazing Race is shot.

But Karlyn and Lynn didn’t have a whole lot of time to talk about this, since we were all trying to navigate UB traffic without getting killed. We did come very close to being creamed by a bus.

We headed east on Peace Avenue.

“So,” I said, “Where are we going?”

Karlyn busted out the instructions, which said that they should get in their jeep and drive to Terelj while obeying the traffic laws.

“Where’s your map?” I asked.

“We didn’t get one because we found you first.”

The instructions continued, saying that they should park their jeep in the village of Terelj, where they would meet some horses and a nomad who would help them with the horses. And that was it. No more instructions.

“When you see the nomad,” I said, “you should greet him with ‘Sain baina uu?’”

They repeated this a few times and I wrote it down for them.

I explained about the ger areas that we passed on the outskirts of UB. Lynn and Karlyn explained that they had arrived in UB that morning on a train from the Chinese border. They had apparently driven from Beijing to the China-Mongolia border.

“I didn’t expect this place to be so developed,” said Karlyn, as she looked at the rundown Soviet apartment buildings. “Just wait,” I said.

“Seeing this makes me feel blessed to come from Alabama.”

“Amen.”

As we got out of town, the traffic thinned and there were no more big turns. I told them to keep driving until they passed the antenna farm on the right and to look for the fork in the road about 10 or 15 minutes after that. “Turn left at the fork.”

Having mastered the jeep, Lynn became more talkative. “You are a gift sent from God,” she said.

Karlyn continued: “A gift sent from Heaven. Amen.”

Lynn pulled the jeep over to the side of the road. Karlyn wrestled with her door, but could not get it to open. The cameraman had already climbed out to shoot my departure, so I wrestled my way into the front seat to exit through the front passenger door.

The jeep sped towards Terelj and I hired a taxi into town where I picked up some shipping boxes from DHL.

Please, God. Please let Lynn and Karlyn win the Race. Amen.

Comments

That is so awesome - remember that Ariel's brother won the Amazing Race several years ago.

Posted by: Rob | June 01, 2006 at 10:32 AM

two weeks ago that guy Zanjaan was hiring people for this project and he wouldn't even tell people a single thing about it.

A couple of years ago they also had that program "Lost" filmed here. I watched the few episodes last summer here in mgl and it was the most ridiculous thing ever.

Posted by: Luke | June 02, 2006 at 10:50 AM